Sunday, March 8, 2009

Peace and Healing

My last post~ I *Wanted* to be Amish; it is just a smidgen of who I have become today. It's part of my history.
I am convinced that all of human life on this earth are in pursuit of something, and that is "peace".
Peace is such a pretty word too. Whenever I hear it, I always think of soft breezes, the warm glow of the late afternoon sun. The smell of jasmine wafting in the breeze. Children laughing and playing the neighborhood as an occasional dog barks.
Or I think of a log cabin with smoke drifting out of it's chimney in the twilight hours. Horses grazing and hearing the "munch munch" sound.
But reality isn't *always* that picture perfect.

I am *such* an idealistic perfectionist, that when I "grew up" I had a pretty hard blow to my head when I entered "reality".
Before I entered life in the world of cruelty, I think I was a bit like Anne Shirley. But Anne kept her "dreamy" ways despite the hard cruel world. And there was no Mariella to firmly but gently help guide me back to the "real world". ;-)
So. I didn't stay in my "dreamy" ways after adulthood. In fact, to be blunt and honest. I about lost my mind. ;-) My little duckies didn't all line up in a row. In fact, they were stubborn little things! Most of the swam in directions that I wasn't anticipating and others out right flew away from me! (The ducks being my " idealistic dreams") And my imagination just wouldn't cooperate. (Like Ann, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't seem to imagine her red hair away)
I have a very strong sense of "right" and "wrong", "truth" and "lies".
And if there was any breech in these qualities, in my own character, my idealistic perfectionism would take over, and my conscience would be overwhelmingly guilty. I couldn't seem to imagine away the wrong that I had done either. Nor did I feel I had the right to imagine away my guilt. That too would be a sin.
My idealistic perfectionism geared towards my "spiritual life". At first, the spiritual walk that I had chosen seemed to be working quite well.
But as time went on, my mind began to become affected with wrong thinking about myself and about God himself, and it lead into a deep, dark, and l-o-n-g depression.
Finally, after what seemed forever, I found peace. But despite the fact that I had peace, I needed to "heal" from some major wounds. Some of those wounds I had inflicted upon myself, and some wounds, from others who ignorantly wounded me.
But the funny thing is...all of us humans... all of us on the journey to find real peace, we also seem to need some kind of "healing" as well.
My story is different than yours I am sure. But I am also sure that almost everyone that I come in contact with has a story. And most of the time that story involves pain from wounds in their past.
The good news is...there is hope. There *is* healing.

Luke 4:18
The Spirit of the Lord [is] upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,


Esther Ruth said...

Beautiful, honest, touching blog Heather:) That is a beautiful song also.

So do you think I am like Anne in keeping "dreamy" ways? I think we all NEED to keep our dreamy ways in order to really live. Of course, we should not be "unrealistic" but there are so many desires and dreams that we have that ARE realistic in God that we give up thinking we are being "sensible", "practical" or "wise".

Amy said...

Oh, Heather, I can soooo relate! I lived in what I call now, "Amy-land" for a LOOONG time. But the idealistic part and the right and wrong.. woo wee.. that is a hard reality to wake up to... there are so many "gray" areas in life, and the world is cruel.
I lived so legalistically myself, for a long time. Thankyou, Jesus for setting me free and opening my eyes.

I tried to stay in "Amy-happy-all is well with the world - land" when all was not well. Just normal life stresses of marriage and children happened...nothing tragic, but they were all really big adjustments for me. I don't think that I actually REALLY liked being a mom or liked my kids that much until very recently.... not because they were sweet and wonderful, but because it was not at all what I had ever thought it would be like.
Other women looked at me like I was crazy... what?? Motherhood hard??

Anyways, what I learned is if you don't let the, "dreamy" state of ideals and the rights and wrongs go and the perfectionism, you will drown. I know I did, and that is when I started eating. yep!

Sorry for the long comment, but I have to tell how I loved your honestly, but I love how you put your words in this post. Very very well said, and I have to tell you, it feels awesome to be free from the bondage of "Happy land"!!

And I was thinking of Esther's dreamy state... I think this is a different "dreamy" state. There is healthy dreaming and then there is just a set point of view that has to be changed.

Hope all of this made sense.. Hugs. Amy

Persuaded said...

heather... you are just one of the sweetest, *true-est* people I know (now i'm not sure that true-est is even a word, but it's what i mean, even if it isn't a real word, lol)

one verse that i clung to in some of my dark hours is Matthew 12:20 (i think!)
"A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out."
He is so compassionate and He wants to bring us all to whole-ness, praise Him!

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